After that first court appearance, I never went back to the courtroom. I think of this when people say, “you’re so strong”, I was not. I am not. When my sister was a baby, I was about 4 years old, I remember crawling in her crib and I would place my finger right under herContinue reading “Entry 16: Sentencing letter”
Tag Archives: grief
Entry 15: Not Guilty
To the reader: Some of you, who have gone through a similar experience as mine, have asked what to expect in the courtroom. This was my experience and it was my last because I didn’t think my body or mind would have been able to handle another courtroom visit. I don’t think anything can trulyContinue reading “Entry 15: Not Guilty”
Entry 14: October 16th, Hope in Grief
You lose so much more than your loved one when they die. I recently tried explaining this in Amador’s 15 year parole hearing… doing my best to convince the parole board that 15 years of prison was not enough. I requested they deny parole for the maximum number of years, which in the state ofContinue reading “Entry 14: October 16th, Hope in Grief”
Entry 13: The Music of September
To the reader: It has been 9 months since I last shared pages from my journal. Grief, though always with me, visits with all of it’s wrath in September. Usually I begin to feel it around the beginning of September, during my birthday. My sister forgot to call me on my birthday the year sheContinue reading “Entry 13: The Music of September”
Entry 12: Amazing Grace
The day of the burial the funeral home was overflowing with people. Friends, family, co-workers, teachers, classmates stood in the hallways, overflow rooms, and even outside on the lawn. My family sat there in the first row and waited for the service to begin, still in disbelief of what happened—this was my 18-year-old sister’s funeral.Continue reading “Entry 12: Amazing Grace”
Entry 11: Words Hurt
My Dad would choose who would carry my sister’s casket. Something no one really thinks about until it is time to bury a loved one. However, perhaps we should think about who would carry our casket when we die. Maybe if we decide this prior then there would be one less argument. Probably not though,Continue reading “Entry 11: Words Hurt”
Entry 7: Undergarments
Later that week, my Dad asked me to help him at the funeral home. We had to pick a casket. I went but I don’t remember helping. Jay I think felt obligated to go wherever I went, so he was going to be a part of this horrible day as well. A man welcomed usContinue reading “Entry 7: Undergarments”
Entry 5: Unstable
For the first few years after Christina passed I thought for sure I was going crazy. I remember wondering do people who actual go insane feel they are going insane before they end up insane? If you have ever reached this kind of low then you understand… if not then I pray you never do.Continue reading “Entry 5: Unstable”
Entry 4: September 29th, Captive
My hope that the body wasn’t my sister’s didn’t last long. My mom and dad walked in shortly after I read the newspaper. My mom didn’t really “walk in”, she was more carried in, my dad on one side of her and my uncle on the other side. Her feet dragging behind her as theyContinue reading “Entry 4: September 29th, Captive”
Entry 3: September 28-29th, The Ride
As, my roommates packed my clothes and I laid on my bathroom floor I didn’t know the pain I was feeling would only be a small piece of what was to come. I didn’t know a stolen life would cause a different pain which no one would understand. I didn’t know the crying wouldn’t stopContinue reading “Entry 3: September 28-29th, The Ride”
September 28th 