My Life Sentence

Can someone die from a broken heart?

I’m not sure, but I think so… I remember the same feeling when Christina died – the irreversible brokenness in my chest, the kind of heart break that brings you to your knees. I felt it again as I dug through the autopsy reports and investigations, as I completed news interviews, newspaper interviews, podcasts, as I shared my pain with complete strangers – all to gain support to ensure THIS TIME I would be prepared for the parole hearing. THIS TIME I would make sure the Parole Board knew the full story of what Joseph Amador did. THIS TIME I would be sure to have my community stand behind me.

You see, in the first parole hearing (2018) when the parole board denied for 8 years instead of the expected 10 years, I learned I had to fight to keep my sister’s murderer behind bars.

THIS TIME, I fought so hard… and my community fought with me. I thought for sure they would deny again for at least 8 years… how could they not? We had so much support, so many more letters from the police chiefs to the prosecutors office to people who knew Joseph Amador and could testify to his sick pattern of possessiveness.

The parole board did deny parole— but this time, they only denied for 5 years.

Only 5 years? I have to do this all again in 5 years?

Am I fighting a losing battle?

Does it even matter if I fight or will the parole board continue to do what they plan to do anyway?

Does the parole board even think of the victim’s family when they make this decision?

Do they know our peace is shortened because we have to do this all over again?

Do they even read our letters and take into consideration the pain they will put us through in another five years?

Do they consider the impact this has had not only on me but an entire community?

During Malachi’s (Christina’s son) victim conference the parole board member said it would be “inhumane” to give Joseph Amador another 8 years since Amador received 8 years last time and has “behaved” in prison.

I guess this method is used to keep the prisoners “in line” and from wreaking havoc after a parole hearing.

If I wreak havoc can I also get what I want?

What about us Mr. Parole Board Member- do you think about how inhumane a shorter period between paroles is for us?

Do you know how hard this was?

Do you know what it feels like to beg for support, to relive the pain, to have to fight for the rest of your life because of what was taken from you?

Do you know you are also deciding this: “Should we give the Deal family 10 years of peace, 8 years of peace or 5 years of peace?

Do you think of how inhumane it was for Joseph Amador to take a mother from her baby, a daughter from her parents, or my sister from me!

Do YOU EVEN SEE US SIR?

Below is my letter to the parole board. I wish it had more of an impact, because apparently you didn’t see us.

(Reader note: I have removed large portions of the letter below for the privacy of others)

RE: Joseph Amador, A469387

Dear Ohio Parole Board,

My name is Priscilla Deal Rossi, I am Christina Deal’s sister. 

Though you are ONLY hearing my words today, I hope I can somehow make them resonate so you not only hear but you SEE… you see a glimpse of our pain, you see how severely our lives have been impacted and continue to be impacted, and you see our broken hearts. I believe if I can touch your hearts and you can experience just a little of what we have in our lifetime-  I believe you’ll make the JUST decision and deny parole for Mr. Joseph Amador.

I was only 22 when my sister was murdered by Mr. Amador. She was my little sister; Christina was only 18. I want you to imagine that, as many of you probably have young adults or children around that age. Imagine losing your baby daughter,18 years young, a senior in high school to a violent crime. Imagine calling your older daughter, me, who is in her final year of college in another state, to tell me to come home because your sister was murdered. 

Imagine everything as you know it, is now shattered. 

Imagine being my parents – and not being able to be there for me (their 22 year-old who lost her sister) because you lost your baby. Your baby girl, found dead in a field. Can you even imagine? 

This was my life, this was my parent’s life, so we don’t need to imagine. We know how very real the pain was. 

Because my parents lost their baby girl, there was no one to hold me during the weeping or the deep wrenching screams — because we were all screaming. We each had to be responsible for picking up our own broken pieces. 

Grief, as I’m sure you know, at any age, is extremely difficult but tragedy, a life stolen in such a violent way, adds another element that I can’t explain.

Navigating this kind of tragic grief, at 22 years old was not easy for me. In fact, I didn’t deal with it. I suppressed it, did my best to finish college, did my best to put one foot in front of the other. I didn’t seek out therapy because I couldn’t afford therapy nor did 22-year-old me even know what therapy was at that time— it was a different culture than today. 

I greatly needed therapy though… everyday tasks, like using a kitchen knife were and are still a struggle. You see— Mr. Amador’s weapon of choice was Cutco knives, a well-known kitchen knife. 

He made a decision to carry these knives in a black bag in a borrowed car the night he decided to murder my sister. I’m letting you know it was a borrowed car, so you have no question on if the knives were already in this car, they were not. He made the choice to put these knives in the car that he borrowed because he knew what he planned to do when he picked up my sister. 

You see, a kitchen knife reminds me of how my sister‘s throat was slashed that night. It reminds me of the newspaper articles and autopsy reports that say, “the victim had multiple defensive wounds”. A kitchen knife reminds me of how the autopsy showed she was stabbed in the back- a young defenseless 18-year-old, 100-pound girl- trying to get away but stabbed from behind.

You see… A knife reminds me of when I held my sister‘s hands at her casket and I saw for myself, that no amount of funeral makeup or putty could cover up the gashes in her hands and on her arms. I counted them as I wept over her casket, imagining her arms flying up to stop him, I thought of the number of times that she fought him off and the numerous amount of times that Mr. Amador could’ve stopped his actions, but he didn’t. The knife reminds me of the fear in her face. In Joseph Amador’s own words from the police investigation, his coworker reported he said to them “she had a look on her face like I was going to kill her”… he could say those words out loud but it still didn’t stop him.

So— yes, as I prepare our family dinner tonight, using our everyday kitchen knife, that’s what I will see – her hands, those gashes, that “look in her face”. I will see myself at her casket putting my hands over her deep cuts, trying to spread the funeral makeup over them a little more to make them go away and grieving so deeply because I can’t do anything to heal her, nothing I can do will save my baby sister, she’s gone and he took her. 

During her wake, I never left Christina’s casket, I couldn’t leave her alone again knowing she was left alone to die in a cold abandoned field. That is where Mr. Amador killed her, more than a 20-minute drive from where he picked her up— again more time he had to think about what he was about to do and change his actions, but he didn’t. 

He never thought about his actions, but I think about Mr. Amador every day. You see, I see Mr. Amador in any person that has a familiar facial feature or stature— the store clerk, the man at the mall, the man driving next to me. He haunts my present thoughts and the only peace I have is knowing the person resembling him is not him— because Mr. Amador is locked away. I can’t imagine not having that peace and can’t imagine the fear I would have to live in if he were to ever be free.

Two years ago, I was able to seek out therapy. As I mentioned, this wasn’t something I was able to do before as I was in college and didn’t have the funds or resources to get the help I needed to deal with such a tragedy. However, I began therapy because I knew I had to be an example for my nephew, Malachi, Christina’s son. 

Yes, Christina had a 10-month-old baby when she was murdered. He recently graduated from college and has lived with me and my husband for the past five years. I want to tell you about Malachi’s life so you can see how Mr. Amador not only impacted our present but all our futures, especially Malachi’s. 

When Christina was killed, Malachi was raised initially by our parents, then his father took custody from my parents when Malachi was about two-years-old. His father didn’t allow us to see him for quite some time and moved out of state it was very difficult— especially for little Malachi who was without his mom and now without his grandparents and aunt.

Paragraphs redacted for privacy

I’m telling you about Malachi’s life, Christina’s son, so you can see the ripple effect Mr. Amador has caused.

Do you see it?

Mr. Amador has reached through from behind his bars and continues to crush us. 

He has even stolen moments in our futures, ones we didn’t even know could be taken. Like the dance between the mother of the groom and the groom- the dance Malachi will never have with his mom. 

Malachi is now 23, like me at that age, he has not yet sought out therapy. I know he will when the time is right and I hope I can be an example to him. I mention this because what has been taken from us has been so great and some of us have just begun steps towards healing and I know it’s going to take a lifetime. And some of us, like Christina’s son, Malachi, have not even begun. 

We deserve at least that, serving our life sentence, trying to heal without also having to worry about Mr. Joseph Amador not serving his. It doesn’t make sense for a man to be free or even a few years from being free when we are not. 

Paragraphs redacted for privacy

However, Mr. Amador still collected Christina that night. He had it all planned you see— a few hours before he picked up Christina he borrowed a friend’s vehicle, he also picked up the rubber gloves that were later found with Christina’s blood on them, he put his knives in the borrowed car. The only thing he was missing was Christina’s baby, 10-month-old Malachi. When he finally had Christina, he drove from Toledo to the middle of nowhere in Oregon, Ohio (more than a 20 minute drive) and raped her and murdered her. 

In Mr. Amador’s own words from the investigation, “I was told one day I could blow and do something bad”. He had lots of chances and time to change his mind, but he didn’t.  

I also have no doubt he is keeping one eye on me. Mr. Amador has a Facebook account that I brought up last parole hearing, and he still has this account. The last picture he posted was AFTER his last parole hearing was of a Florida Beach near my husband’s work. Was it a message to me? Yes, I think so, but I’ll let the board decide on that. 

What is clear is his account is still open- Mr. Amador apparently doesn’t care about your rules and continues to show up as “people I may know” (which occurs when the person views your profile, meaning he is viewing mine). 

His profile says he works at Allen Correctional Center, when he is really an inmate there and most disturbing is his profile picture shows he is with a young girl with a baby. The girl looks very much like my sister.  I pray for that woman and baby, I hope she gets away while she can.

I’m sure he has stayed quiet in the prison system, he is a small man, he has no choice. I want you to remember this is also the man when brought in for questioning about my sister’s murder thought he could hug the detective after he confessed to murder. So, his “good” behavior means nothing to me. He’s a 5-foot-5 man that stabbed a woman in the back- this is not the kind of man that would act out with other men. He lashes out towards women when angry or jealous. Please ask yourself, is the prison system set up for you to see how he will truly be back in society with women and children?

Paragraphs redacted for privacy

I understood too well what Mrs. X2 was talking about when she described Mr. Amador’s obsession with her baby, because I saw this with Mr. Amador and baby Malachi. When I came home from college for a visit Mr. Amador wouldn’t let my sister leave his home so I could see Malachi. I had to go to Mr. Amador’s home and take Malachi, but Christina couldn’t leave, Mr. Amador wouldn’t let her be anywhere without him. I asked Mrs. X2 to share her story because it shows the beginning stages of Mr. Amador’s obsession with young woman and their babies, but she was also too scared- she said if Mr. Amador does get out, she doesn’t want him looking for her or her son.  I hope she finds the courage to reach out to you and sends you a letter. 

My sister was only dating Mr. Amador for 3 months before she saw his possessive, controlling ways and tried to get away. X1 only a few months as well. X2 was only with him a short time before he became possessive over her baby. X3, who I couldn’t locate, but also an ex-girlfriend of Mr. Amador’s cried and cried at my sister’s funeral saying she knew how controlling and possessive he was, she knew he would hurt someone one day.  

I’m stating all of this so the board understands this is a behavior pattern for Mr. Amador, not an isolated incident. 

If Mr. Amador is released, his release plan says he will be living in the same area near my family. He will be living near ex-girlfriends that to this day still fear him.

His apology letter written right before the last parole hearing lacks any kind of remorse or understanding of the impact he had on our lives or anyone else’s. It appears to me to be a template of some sort saying the minimal things he needed to have an apology letter on file. I want you to also note the timing of his apology letters and timing of his rehabilitation courses are always right before his parole hearings. Is this behavior of a man that really has changed?

So I ask that you are not fooled by his “good” behavior in prison. 

I ask that you are not fooled by the charge he is in prison for— my parents accepted the plea bargain because they were pressured to do so and were convinced in doing so by the prosecution. The lawyers told my parents to take the plea bargain and to not put my family through trial. My parents were told he would never get out anyway. My parents were foolish, traumatized and broken and accepted the plea. 

But me and Malachi, we did NOT accept a plea. We still do not accept the plea bargain. 

This charge should have been aggravated premeditated murder and rape. Mr. Amador’s seminal fluid was found on his pants and on my sister’s and she was NOT in a relationship with him.  He raped her, just like he did to X1, except Christina didn’t escape.

The charge should have remained the charge and the sentence should have been a life sentence or even the death penalty in Ohio at that time. 

I went through the investigation to prepare for this parole hearing and there is no reason a plea bargain should have been pushed on my family. There is no question when going through the investigation that Mr. Amador planned this murder, he got the vehicle, he got the rubber gloves that were used during the murder, he got the knives, he drove Christina to an abandoned area, he had a motive – jealousy because she had moved on. He confessed to a detective to the murder, making a slashing gesture across his neck when describing how he killed her.

I want to pause there and say again, I went through the investigation to prepare for this parole hearing- I hope you understand the depth and seriousness of that statement. Going through the investigation means I read awful things, saw awful things, and learned more than any loved one should know.

Can you phantom how painful it was for me to go through the crime scene, Mr. Amador’s confession with the detective, and to go through the autopsy reports to prepare for this day?  I did this to present you with all of the information, to ensure you are fully aware of what unfolded and what Mr. Amador did.

Do you know how hard it is to normalize saying, “slashed her throat, raped her, stabbed her in the back, defensive wounds” about someone you loved? It is beyond bearable, the weight is so very heavy, but I have no choice but to do so because —this is my life sentence … trying to plead our case every parole hearing- yet Mr. Amador is the one with the option to be free. 

Other people in our community, besides Christina’s family and friends that are also serving life sentences, are the first responders in our community. You will be receiving letters to request the denial of parole from the police officers and firefighters that responded to the scene of my sister’s murder. One firefighter that washed away the blood from the scene after they removed my sister’s body talked about there being “pools of blood” everywhere. He was assigned to a special detail the next day of hosing down the crime scene. He said seeing all of that blood, on the grass, on the curb, on the dirt – are images that he still can’t release from his mind. My sister’s precious blood, the blood we loved, spilled all over and rinsed into the dirt. The firefighter said that 23 years later he still can’t avoid the images that haunt his mind when driving down Wynn Road. A police officer, talked to me about how his station was never the same after that day. He said his colleagues that were at the scene and saw my sister’s body were forever changed- something left each of them after that day. A firefighter described the mood at station 41 as silent, he said what he saw made him question repeatedly, “what kind of person could do something so awful to another human being?” 

That person was Mr.Amador, what he did HAUNTS a small community in Midwest Ohio to this day. A community where police normally respond to high school senior pranks— responded to the most horrific murder scene of a high school senior. Mr. Amador SHOOK us, not just my family, but the dozens of first responders who will live with those traumatic images and will never be the same. 

So yes, I am asking you for something I was told would never happen by our victim advocates. I am asking you deny parole for the maximum number of years allowed in the state of Ohio. I am asking for 10 years. That’s an additional two years that were not given our last parole hearing but should have been given to us…. and I know I’ve heard that is impossible- but I’m going to believe in the impossible. 

I am going to ask you give us the time we need, the time Malachi needs, that you give a community the time and peace they deserve- and you give Mr. Amador the time he should have been sentenced. 

I ask that you see me, see my pain, see how I’m just trying to get through to the next parole hearing while I do all I can to repair and raise my sister’s son.

I ask you see Christina, because so many before you didn’t see her, including me— we didn’t see her situation as clearly as we do now, we didn’t see her cry for help, we didn’t see the signs, we didn’t do all we could, we didn’t stand up for her as much as we could have, we let her down. 

And we didn’t see Mr. Amador for who he was because of how he hid behind a “sweet, calm demeanor”, we misinterpreted his possessive and controlling ways as caring too much, we misinterpreted his “good behavior” as safe.

Don’t make the same mistake we did. 

You have the power and authority to stand for what is just and right, to stand up for Christina. You have the power to protect another woman from Joseph Amador. 

Thank you for your time to see our pain and to hear our plea,

Priscilla Deal Rossi